warm, consumery glow

Thank you, Eastern Mountain Sports.

"Was $135.00. Now $55.98."

They fit awesomely, they're bearable (though appropriately uncomfortable) at the toe, the heel is exactly what I wanted (rubber all over, deeply cupped), they come off quickly for resting between routes, they're unlined synthetics (no stretch), and, apart from the silly instep graphic, they're just cool.

I was briefly tempted by a pair of La Sportiva Mythos, which fit like gloves, and were slightly gentler on the toes, but they vacuumed onto my arches and made little farty noises when I put my weight down, which would have driven me crazy (Not up the wall! Ar, har har...). Besides, EMS wanted $120, and those same shoes will cost sixty bucks next year.

Also tried:
Mad Rock Phoenix (so-so fit, disliked "hooker heel" pattern).
Five Ten Moccasym (OW MY TOES)
EMS Underdog (loose fit at the arch)

Really, though.

What else is new?

Memories are so important to a person's makeup. Whether they're correct doesn't matter here -- their general, cumulative power over one's experience of life is unaffected by trifles like accuracy. One of the reasons I started this journal is so that I could keep better track of chronologies, of memories in a fresher state, so I could theoretically learn more, or learn better, from what came to pass, so I could keep a firmer grasp on causation, or at least trending.

I'm going back (or, I should say, I intend to go back, because I've started, but I've stopped, and I want to resume) and re-reading everything, re-categorizing experiences in my mind, re-assessing where I did well, where I fucked up; making little additions (not changes, not "corrections") here and there -- current perspectives, with dates attached.

I'm adding "Memories" willy-nilly, and I'm sure I'll pare them down later.

I'm changing the way I treat Private entries, so as to permit recording things online, but making the entries invisible from any page, then moving them offline and hiding them. A private entry doesn't have the same psychotech value to me if I think, even for an instant, that its existence (nevermind its contents) could be made known to anyone else. Go to Archive view for anyone's journal, and see how many entries you can find on the calendar, but not read when you select the day. couplingchaos mentioned this to me recently. I had started the process of migrating entries out just two weeks before, so that made for a weird coincidence.

Private entries are where I deal with, reflect on, or enjoy things I don't want to share, or I'm not ready to share; and I type things out that I don't mean, trying to expose the thought patterns beneath. I dislike to think that someone might see a private entry in Archive mode, and wonder what it is I'm hiding, or what I'm hiding from them -- we're all wired to assume it's about us, though we may try to talk ourselves out of it. It's just Biology.

Anyway, that's not what this entry was going to be about, but it was a nice tangent, so I'll keep it.

more talking with myself

No party last night for me, and I didn't even look into stuff for tonight. Spent today with my parents, being a good son. Did my taxes.

I've found that I needed down time, time for me, after this week's stress. I've found that I needed time alone anyway, family medical shit aside, so I could feel more directly connected to my own head, rather than distracted by the demands of hosting, visiting, socializing, sharing, interpersonal issues, work, the game face, everything.* It struck me earlier that I've smushed myself into a certain figurative space lately, and I can feel the parts of me that don't fit pushing back. I'm dialing down the internal and external pressures (both the real and the imagined) to see what crawls out.

Earlier today, I got on my bike and learned how to clip in and out, wobbling up and down my street. Felt like a dork, but not too many people saw. Falling over very slowly, while struggling mightily to unclip, was pretty amusing: The small bruise on my knee was worth it. I've learned that riding uphill clipless is an incredibly different experience from doing the same on bear traps. Adduction is great.



* Don't get me wrong -- I've missed my wily sugar pumpkin this weekend. I just find a few days of complete social isolation very pleasant once in a while. I remember how badly I wanted a boat once, until I realized I just needed some time to myself.