It's past my bedtime.

[opabinia]

Either you like a shoe, or you don't. Either you think it looks good on you, or you don't. Either you can buy the pair, or you can't. If you have the shoes, and one day you decide you don't like them anymore, you can give them away, sell them, or discard them.

It's so nice and simple. There is no fear, no uncertainty, no ambiguity, no real-life problem involved. A shoe can stroke your ego, but it can't really put you down, because you wouldn't wear a shoe that did that.

.....

A shoe can look great, but hurt your feet. Is that a real problem? No, that's just you being dumb. Find a shoe that looks good and treats you right.

This metaphor sucks, and I need an uncommonly good fuck.

Edit: For the sake of clarity, I divided this entry (.....) at the point where I moved from contrasting people/relationships and shoes to comparing them (poorly). I didn't intend to draw parallels initially, but I drifted in that direction. That's probably why the change threw people off. Anyway, I'm doing this after the fortieth comment, so it probably won't make a difference to anyone but me.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/---lis/]

that reminded me of that dud ei was telling you abot who had the serious issue over his wardrobe and shoes and things.

[panzerkunst.livejournal.com]

Didn't know you had a shoe fetish.

[popetom.livejournal.com]

I believe you just discovered why men don't have nearly as many shoes as women.

-PT

[halo.livejournal.com]

clearly, spending a while in my house had an influence on you.

I feel the need to take issue with the "shoes that hurt" bit, however. That's not necessarily stupidity. Sometimes that's just wanting to look wicked fucking hot, toes be damned. I don't know how that does or doesn't fit with the metaphor, though. :P

[darla.livejournal.com]

Oh it fits in the metaphor. I've definitely hurt my metaphorical toes just to wear a metaphorical pair of insanely hot shoes. heh heh.

[armandae.livejournal.com]

and sometimes, it's more satisfying to go barefoot.

[spitcurl.livejournal.com]

The best shoes feel almost like you are barefoot. And are versatile -- you can look good in them while wearing almost anything, and walk around for hours in city or country. They may not make you feel mighty HOT like a fancy pair does, but you can be 100% yourself in them and feel amazing.

I just had to toss out some of my most treasured but impractical shoes, along with one very practical-but-in-need-of-much-repair pair, and not by choice but by necessity. Literally closet cleaning. No metaphor in there. (Though I suppose anything can be a metaphor if one wants to make it so.)

[iterum.livejournal.com]

It's probably just as well that "sometimes shoes get all moldy and you have to toss them" doesn't quite fit into the metaphor.

[bottleimp.livejournal.com]

Unless you date dead chicks.

[iterum.livejournal.com]

That's why it's just as well that it's presumably not relevant for lepidosiren.

[lepidosiren.livejournal.com]

Hey bottleimp -- publish that story already. At least throw it onto a web page or something.

[spitcurl.livejournal.com]

That's why I prefaced that part with NOT A METAPHOR. :)

...because otherwise the metaphor could get out of hand, but I see that its far too late for that, and it already has.

[bottleimp.livejournal.com]

Sometimes a shoe is just a shoe.

[spitcurl.livejournal.com]

Yep. That too.

[bottleimp.livejournal.com]

Um, women are not shoes. I find this meataphor disturbing.

[panzerkunst.livejournal.com]

I find the word "meataphor" disturbing.

[bottleimp.livejournal.com]

Disturbing, and deliberate.

[lepidosiren.livejournal.com]

Not just women. People.

I did say the metaphor sucks. I like "meataphor," though. :)

[bottleimp.livejournal.com]

Points:

1. The ending of this with "I need an uncommonly good fuck" made me think it was about women.

2. I don't care what you need; she's mine.

3. People suck. People are chimps who are good with tools. That is an observation, not a metaphor.

[lepidosiren.livejournal.com]

I don't care what you need; she's mine.

Duly noted!

[atalanta.livejournal.com]

"meataphor" reminds me of my dream about the singing bone pretzel named "Mr Meatybones" -

what might that be a meataphor for?
It wasn't wearing shoes.

[frederic.livejournal.com]

and sometimes you can walk on your hands.

[locriansax.livejournal.com]

...
some women in California had some of their toes surgically removed or shortened to fit into smaller high heels.

I thought China did away with footbinding hundreds of years ago?
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9400E0DF133DF934A35751C1A9659C8B63&sec=health&pagewanted=print

I guess it's sort of off topic in a wacky way...

ok I'll shut up now. :P

[halo.livejournal.com]

have I told you about my Shoe Rule?

If you see a pair of shoes that you like but you don't buy them, and you're still thinking about them three days later, you should go back and buy them.

Apply to non-shoe contexts as you will. ;)

[spitcurl.livejournal.com]

I have that same rule! I apply it to fancy, non-practical clothing as well.

And yes, also to other things. :)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_perihelion_/]

but, for the most part, shoes don't get up and walk away. so they are most likely still there when you come back three days later. the same can't be said for metaphorical shoes.

[lepidosiren.livejournal.com]

Oo! But sometimes metaphorical shoes go on clearance, right after someone returns them, or when nobody else wants them. Maybe this isn't such a bad metaphor after all!

[spitcurl.livejournal.com]

Well then, if that's true, then don't forget sometimes unwanted shoes come back in style, and suddenly what was once forgotten is again hip and sexy, and everybody wants a pair!

[http://users.livejournal.com/_perihelion_/]

there's some comment waiting to be made about "that new shoe smell" but I'm not gonna go there.

[halo.livejournal.com]

they can always get snapped up by someone with the same taste in shoes as you, before you have a chance to go back to the store, though.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_perihelion_/]

well, obviously, that's why you don't wanna shop at the mall.

[halo.livejournal.com]

bwahahahaha!

[jasonlizard.livejournal.com]

You know that incredibly comfortable pair of shoes you wear until they fall apart? You never know which pair that will be until you try them on and walk around for a few days.

Good luck.

[lepidosiren.livejournal.com]

until they fall apart?

(Or until you do -- whichever comes first.)

Very nice. :)

[spitcurl.livejournal.com]

If you love them enough, you'll bring 'em to a good cobbler!!

I have. Sometimes the cobbling's cost nearly as much as the shoe did, but its always worth it to try.

[lepidosiren.livejournal.com]

Okay this is getting weird.

[spitcurl.livejournal.com]

Your metaphor is running away from you!

Must be a sneaker! Wocka-Wocka!

*ba-dump-bump-bump*

[adaptively.livejournal.com]

Then there are those of us who walk holes in the soles of their high-tops, patch 'em up with duct tape, and continue to walk around in footwear embarassments until growing tired of everyone's laughing at them...

...then those shoes are strung up by their laces from the power lines and hang there, forgotten and replaced by an almost identical pair of high-tops.

(Yup, there's a metaphor that applies to men, too...)

[lepidosiren.livejournal.com]

That's some cold shit, yo.

;)

[mandy-moon.livejournal.com]

Don't settle on flip-flops. They are hideously ugly on both men and women. And they're tacky. I don't care how comfortable they are- theyre' not good for walking either. They cut up that space between your toes.

[heatray.livejournal.com]

As the forty-first commenter, I appreciate the effort, but the metaphor is still totally insane.

Good luck with the fvcking.