misc

[opabinia]

I hope to grow white-haired, paper-skinned, and maybe a little saggy someday. When I do, I WILL COVER MY GOD-DAMNED ASS-CHEEKS IN PUBLIC. I do that now, regardless of what nightclubs I choose to frequent, and Jesus H. Christ, I will never understand why grandfatherly motherfuckers think anyone else wants to see them in anything less than pants anywhere.

Number of times I would have scored tonight if I were gay: >1. I was flattered, and said as much, but I wish to point out, a little grumpily, that I've never had an attractive woman ask me if I'm straight.

When I order a drink that comes with a little stirrer in it, sometimes I use that to aspirate the last bits of booze from the bottom of the glass. When I order the same drink again, and the barkeep serves it to me with a full-sized straw instead, I wonder if it's some sort of code language I'm unfamiliar with. Are they trying to tell me something?

I have never been so dangerously close to buying some seriously hot wheels. There's a GS 400-powered Skylark with my name written all over it in West Milford, New Jersey. I know because I went to see it today. Four hundred cubic inches. Black vinyl. Oh my God. (There are no atheists in ten-car garages.)

Today my dad told me that Colombian guys call the little nib on the middle of a laptop keyboard a "clitoris." Makes sense to me. Looks like one, makes things go, tricky to use without overdoing it.

Comments

[hawver.livejournal.com]

Wait, how old was this skylark? I can't remember the last time Buick put a 400 cubic v8 in a car that wasn't a Grand National.

[lepidosiren.livejournal.com]

You mean a Gran Sport (GS). Grand Nationals showed up ten years later, and they were V6-powered. < /armchair gearhead dickswinging >

This Skylark is a '71. Oh my God. 400 cubes of brute, unapologetic, pre-fuel-crisis, asphalt-warping power.

[hawver.livejournal.com]

lol, my bad. Still, I recall the GS kinda screwed, even if it did have a 6. Anyhow, personally I think you really really really need that car.

[rapha.livejournal.com]

thank u for now scaring & scarring the rest of us for life.

[halo.livejournal.com]

I've never had an attractive woman ask me if I'm straight.

I suspect that's because you are pretty unambiguously so, and they gay men that have approached you were just... optimistic.

[silas7.livejournal.com]

Number of times I would have scored if I were gay last night =1.

I bow to your superior hotness!

[lepidosiren.livejournal.com]

Nonsense! I seem to recall someone saying something about someone and something about a sack... ;)

[silas7.livejournal.com]

Damn, I forgat that, you'll have to remind me of the details later. Heh.

[bottleimp.livejournal.com]

Number of times I could have scored at the Y today = 1.

Goddam was he persistent, but in that nebulous gray area where it would be presumptuous and rude just to say "I'M NOT GAY! GO AWAY!!!"

Monosyllabic answers to questions coupled with Paddington Stares finally got the message across.

[bottleimp.livejournal.com]

-cough-

Since no one else wants to touch this, and I'm an asshole, it's a drink STIRRER. It is not a straw. You are being owned by the barkeep.

[saturniidae.livejournal.com]

I thought everyone called those laptop nubbins the "clit mouse". I do not like them at all (the laptop thing, of course).

[fudjo.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I first heard the term "clit mouse" years ago, and have never heard any other term for it. I like 'em way more than touchpads.

[pyrric.livejournal.com]

Women all over the world like them more than touchpads, too.

"What did you do all day today at work, honey?"

"I practiced!"

[protogeek.livejournal.com]

Ah, so the grandpa with the assless denim skirt (handy for showing off whatever the hell that huge heavy thing he's got piercing his balls is) was back? I had to save legitimatelove from him several times the last time we were there. I wouldn't have minded him at a Manray Friday, he would have blended right in with the others that were easily ignorable (if you're not into their stuff). But he really doesn't seem to notice (or care) that Toast is *not* his scene.

[znuh.livejournal.com]

*grin* Drive it first!

Got your phone call; yep, I have done bodywork and painted cars in the past. Removing a vinyl top is a little on the involved side. If you want the top to be the same color as the rest of the car, you're almost asking to paint the entire vehicle simply because the color will be slightly different no matter how well you match the paint. That said and done, nothing's impossible - one just has to plan and prepare accordingly.

Ugh. Your post brought back vivid memories of the jockstrap man from ManRay.