Could someone please tell whoever needs to know

[opabinia]

that I'm perfectly happy with my penis, I am uninterested in tranny pee sex, and I do not seek alternative sources for prescription drugs?

Comments

[morbidiqua.livejournal.com]

Well they are RIGHT on about me wanting to me lonely Russian Women.

[lepidosiren.livejournal.com]

I just bought clear Cyrillic character stickers for my keyboard from eBay. Lonely Russian women, here I come!

[hawver.livejournal.com]

Can I interest you in a quality R0leX replica?

[halo.livejournal.com]

if you manage to contact the spam powers that be, could you please mention to them that I don't even have a penis to improve upon?

[water-childe.livejournal.com]

You could always switch to Gmail. I had a real spam problem. Horrible. Then I switched over to Gmail and now I rarely, if ever, get spam.

[lepidosiren.livejournal.com]

I did, and it's working so far. I never, ever use that address for anything other than personal communication. All my other addies have somehow made it onto a web form or a mailing list or a forum (privacy policy, my ass), and they are SMOTHERED in solicitations relevant to slapping bitches in the face with my tree-like cock.

[water-childe.livejournal.com]

SMOTHERED in solicitations relevent to slapping bitches in the face with my tree-like cock.

Okay, considering what day it is, my brain went someplace really bad with that last sentence. Along the lines of, what if someone took some of the 'women being sexually ravished by trees' stuff that was in a few of the Evil Dead movies and tried to make a full length porn film out of it? I'm too scared to look. You know what they say. If you can think of it, chances are someone has ALREADY made a porn title about exactly that.

[halo.livejournal.com]

is that a sequoia in your pocket...?

[water-childe.livejournal.com]

Hee hee. Oh baby, my Evergreen is EverHARD for you. *LOL*
I got a serious load of lumber. *G*

[bottleimp.livejournal.com]

Sigh... see, I already have several stories that would be perfect for a hard-core horror porno. "If I don't get you hard/wet and queasy at the same time, I'm not doing my job."

Alas, I don't think such a thing could get competently made. If'n I had several spare million laying around, I'd call up Clive Barker.

[halo.livejournal.com]

I have a gmail account, too, and I agree that their spam filters are really quite impressive. And my school email is also pretty decently screened. I just also have an old personal address that I don't want to get rid of that mostly seems to collect ridiculous spam, these days. Although occasionally it's entertaining-- i.e., the best subject line ever: "a penis bigger than the sun."

[developer.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a great new James Bond movie...

[halo.livejournal.com]

"Man with the Golden Gun," indeed.

[bottleimp.livejournal.com]

I have to admit, that one's better than PITCH A TENT WITH YOUR COCK!

[water-childe.livejournal.com]

Yeah, while some of the old headers I used to get in spam email, which were always about big dicks, were funny, it wasn't worth it to me to keep those addresses past a certain point.
And I gotta say part of my real offense? How amazingly sexist and patriorical it all the spam seemed. Goddamit. I'm Bi. If I need a bigger cock I'll just go to the store and BUY ONE. I mean if I'd gotten spam about breast enlargement, it would have been just as annoying, but it would have least balanced things out some.

[halo.livejournal.com]

If I need a bigger cock I'll just go to the store and BUY ONE.

watch it, if They hear you say that out loud, you'll start getting nothing but dildo/strap-on spam!

[water-childe.livejournal.com]

See, but that? That might actually be really hot. Although I doubt it would ever happen. Dildoes and strap-on's are too threatening to the Patriarchy at Large, and in many states, actually illegal to advertise or sell openly. Dick enlargement is okay. Subtitute-non-bio fake cock? Eeeeeeevilll and wrrrrrong.

[halo.livejournal.com]

and just imagine the shipping logistics on a fake cock that's bigger than the sun!

[bottleimp.livejournal.com]

"I am uninterested in tranny pee sex"

H8R.

[panzerkunst.livejournal.com]

My website email was clean for the longest time, now for some reason the floodgates have opened. And my webhost keeps showing ads for (not very cheap) spam filtering services. Hmm...connection?

[spriggan.livejournal.com]

Damn, you could've just replied to my email and said you weren't interested; no need to air our business all over LiveJournal.

[damiel.livejournal.com]

Today I got an offer to penetrate her in different ways. I never did find out what that entailed.