My life is stranger than yours today.

[opabinia]

Fluffy is normally very sweet, very mellow, and above all, very gentle.

Tonight I tried to remove one of her optionally edible housemates (OEH) with a large net. It had grown into a bully, and I had grown tired of watching it beat on all the other OEH. Now, Fluffy has seen the net many times. I have touched her with the net. The net is unthreatening. Familiar.

Tonight Fluffy saw the net, and decided it was actually a tremendously dangerous thing. She darted away and bonked her nose on the glass, which startled her even more, so she rocketed straight up into the air.* I dropped the net. She fell over five feet down onto the hardwood floor. For a fraction of a second, I recall, I actually weighed the pros and cons of panicking. I decided not to panic.

Fluffy sputtered and flapped violently. She needed my help. I raced to her side (she had flopped across the room in about four seconds), planted my right foot next to her scared little head, and reached for her-

I was wearing white socks. As it happens, there is nothing quite so terrifying to an African lungfish as a white sock. Fluffy immediately attacked my big toe.

She let go so she could continue thrashing. I withdrew the offensive foot and tried to pick her up, but she was too slippery, too fast, too upset. I limped into my room and acquired a pillowcase. I returned to the dining room, where Fluffy had sought refuge under the dinner table. I dropped the pillowcase over her front half. She froze. I immediately grabbed her with the fabric, hobbled to her tank, and dropped her back inside.



Fifteen seconds later, she forgot the whole incident. Yes, that's the net sitting on the sand there, and that's Fluffy wondering why I'm staring at her like that.



I took off my sock.



This is what a lungfish bite looks like. Never, ever approach a lungfish wearing white socks. It's safer to call an armed black mugger an "Uncle Tom house nigger."

Fluffy suffered a missing scale and some little fin tears. I'm sure she's got some bruises, too, but she'll heal faster than I will. I just checked up on her, and she asked for food. I said "My love for you is strong; but pull that shit again, and you're soup."

* I would like to add, at this point, that she reacted this way once before, when she was seven inches long. The guy at the pet shop was startled by the 7-inch missile. He dropped the net.
Please note that Fluffy is now about thirty inches long.

Comments

oh no.

[julishka.livejournal.com]

fluffy has a weapon! fluffy has a weapon!

i wonder if fishiethegecko is taking notes?

Re: oh no.

[deadwinter.livejournal.com]

ROFL!

Thank you. I needed a hug, but this is better.

Armed Fluffy!

[panzerkunst.livejournal.com]

Fluffy??!!

[debbie.livejournal.com]

owwww

[sbazzy.livejournal.com]

*blink*
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.
.
.
.
.
BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA

well, i'm sure it wasn't hilarious at the time, but still. is your toe ok?

[lepidosiren.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure. I let it bleed some, then washed it out twice with soap and water, then dried it with tissue, spackled it with antibiotics, and wrapped it in four adhesive bandages. It doesn't hurt anymore. Tomorrow, I'll ask the docs if I should stitch it up. Doubt I'll need to.

I had no idea Fluffy had sharp tooth plates. They felt like a razor!

[eeyrg.livejournal.com]

i was going to post the same reaction.

*snicker*

you poor kids!

[loxocele.livejournal.com]

that was REALLY funny er, really painful, i'm sure....

and i thought wrestling with 12-inch oscars or 15-inch plecos was bad. now i know better ;)

[atalanta.livejournal.com]

oh, poor you and poor fluffy!
so she's fast out of water, eh?
glad you're both ok.

[lepidosiren.livejournal.com]

so she's fast out of water, eh?

I have never seen her move like that. She was a big, slippery, dangerous blur.

[lizerk.livejournal.com]

Ugh, there's nothing worse than a frightened animal... Until it's all over, you can't calm them down for anything!

Sorry about your toe... bites are never fun. Big toes and thumbs are the worst.

[silentq.livejournal.com]

Sorry, dear, I'm not visiting ever again. *shudder* Projectile Fluffy... *twitch*
I hope you heal up quickly!

[frederic.livejournal.com]

Wait until she's full grown, then would you even have toes left? I guess that this is the learning phase before Operation Full Grown Fluffy. Maybe a chainmail shark-proof suit?

Ow... glad that you're both reasonably ok.

[rojagato.livejournal.com]

Holy crap. That's what all that noise was.

Glad everyone still has their appendages.

But crap, this means she can get out, and she is mobile. I am locking my doors.

[lepidosiren.livejournal.com]

I'm calling about getting lids fabricated. Today. Oh, that poor girl. She looked a little sheepish this morning, but she still ate her breakfast.

[rojagato.livejournal.com]

I feel pretty badly. I thought you were moving furniture for some reason--I mean, if you needed help, I figured you would have hollered. Well, at least that's what I was thinking half-asleep on the heating pad.

[lepidosiren.livejournal.com]

No worries! I was glad you didn't come out -- I figured the fewer the terrified, slime-covered, flopping organisms in the dining room, the better. There were already two of us in there. :)

[alonewiththemoon]

At least when ferrets attack your socks they rarely draw blood! Fish are dangerous!

glad everyone is more or less okay...

I'm so sorry

[deadwinter.livejournal.com]

But I'm still laughing out loud at this.

That bite looks nasty, though.

Re: I'm so sorry

[lepidosiren.livejournal.com]

Don't feel bad. I'd be laughing too, except that this is the first time I've really wondered if Fluffy is going to be manageable once she's too big to wrap in a pillowcase. And, my God! If she nips me as an adult... They say a lungfish can break a man's arm.

Re: I'm so sorry

[frederic.livejournal.com]

Time for more kettle bells to strengthen up for the day...

[lepidosiren.livejournal.com]

Four to five feet long.

[fusion-waste.livejournal.com]

you need to lay off on the ninja training for your pets.